These Advice given by My Dad That Rescued Us as a New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."