Accepting Setbacks: Wisdom from Half a Century of Writing Journey

Experiencing rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. A publisher is declining your work, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced proposing story ideas 50 years back, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and countless essays. During the recent two decades, focusing on commentary, the refusals have only increased. In a typical week, I get a setback every few days—amounting to over 100 each year. Overall, denials over my career exceed a thousand. Today, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. Since, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: At this point, just about everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

For example: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 articles in a row before approving one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors declined my book idea before one approved it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I submit articles less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. I felt attacked. I believed my writing was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the mistake? This must be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often mixed with false hope). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued for decades.

Excellent Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of creators whose work was initially turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his youth squad. Most American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the seventh stage of rejection. Acceptance. Currently, I grasp the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or be planning one underway, or be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the editor believes I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my work too quickly to recognize its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are within it. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be flawed. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Or something about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written two books—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have been published in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global sources. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

Still, no major hits, no signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no presentations, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have eased the jolts of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I acquired?

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